Hulk Hogan is now turning to the FBI for help with his sex tape scandal.

I know America loves watching famous people have sexual relations on grainy black and white cameras .. I get that. America likes to hide behind a computer screen and safely watch through peep holes in gas station bathrooms along the information superhighway. But Hulk Hogan? I can’t even entertain the thought of looking at a still image of the scene! I get physically sick when I think of it.

But I’d bet money that when he does find a ‘mate’ to exchange fluids with, the Hulkster plays his Real American theme song, rushes into the bedroom, rips off his yellow shirt, and dances around with his lathered up oily body dripping all over the sheets.