The past few weeks have been traumatic.. for body and soul.
Covid struck hard .. we were so careful. Vaccinated.. all of the precautions. But it hit hard.. Family even ended up being hospitalized ..
In the midst of this virus induced chaos, my mother was succumbing to her final days on this planet.
After a tremendously difficult long goodbye due to Alzheimer’s, + Sharon reached for the heavens when she peacefully stopped breathing on the morning of November 11 at 4:12 am..
After several weeks of hospitals and ICUs and tear-drenched meetings with doctors who were describing a proverbial brick wall of medical problems, my mother entered hospice and her suffering ended.
Before it did, before her final breath, a bed-side meeting took place. The deepest parts of my soul poured out to this mighty matriarch of the family.. she couldn’t talk at the end but her piercing green eyes told her story. She stared at my while I spoke, she stared at others in the family through my phone as they did, too. Her eyes teared at times, lit up when she heard her husband (perhaps she wanted to throw a few cusses out there at the end but couldn’t) and she listened.. She wanted to get audible at a few times. I hugged her the best I could without causing pain. The emotional pain was annihilating.
By the time I left the room, a hurried flurry of nostalgia rushed back into my brain. Every single Christmas and holiday.. every birthday. That moment she picked me up in Homesville after a significant event.. each and every time bad day needed to be explained and she was the shoulder to cry on.. It all rushed back so hard, so viciously.
When you think there are no tears left to come out, buckets are still waiting to fall.
From those I talk to, those who lost parents already, I am now in the club.
There is something very lonely and immediately different. It’s a palpable loneliness that on one hard seems normal and natural, but on the other just seems unfair.
She is not suffering now. Dementia, my friends, causes suffering.
Her mind and body were strong for my Mom’s entire life.
Alzheimer’s is a long, unfair goodbye. It is just plain awful.. It is theft of life.
But through it, somehow my Mom kept her fiery personality. Her humor was profound. She had the quickest wit of anyone I’ve ever known. I try to emulate it in life but falter in comparison. And even during her final years, when her mind was slipping more and more, she could leave everyone in stitches with sarcastic comments and a belly of laughter. That part of her personality never vanished.
Her friends and family had a good run. But it didn’t happen in spite of her.. it happened because of her. Every day of someone’s life was touched by my Mother since she was born. Her impact was significant.
While from a small town in Pennsylvania and not amounting to fame or fortune, her life was consequential. It affected countless others. She mattered. And the memories of her do, as well, the celebration of life when it occurs will, too.
May +Sharon rest in eternal peace. She died a Christian Catholic, stalwart to the end!
Right about now she’s cracking jokes at the pearly gates.. she is remaking heaven in her own image! And she even be having her first Pinochle party with a great friend in 40 years..
