Here is a quick video from today.. the Coal Speaker family went to what was going to be a simple and peaceful Easter Egg hunt. I never really went on these.. my wife Tara did, as a child.. This was Ayden’s first in his two years and one month of life. We didn’t know what would hit us, and I am still quite surprised at what did..

The weather was quaint.. the sun was rolling in and out from behind the clouds.. There was a warmer feeling today, at least warmer than it has been for the entire winter.. And when we arrived at the site of the Easter Egg hunt in St. Clair PA, there were hundreds of people already waiting. Baskets in hand.. children in arms.. kids in Easter bunny costumes.. ages 1 through whatever age you need to stop hunting for Easter eggs…

How bad could this be, I thought? Mom and dad figured, ‘we got this.’ 

So we instructed the two year old Ayden the best we could on the ground rules. He ignored most of what we said, but he knew the basic premise: Hunt and gather as many eggs as he could.. There were even prizes, apparently, for certain eggs. My wife’s sister told us, “When you get ten eggs, go to the building to collect your prizes.”

That certainly sounded easy enough, right?

By this point, more and more people had already shown up. The POTTSVILLE REPUBLICAN this morning reported that over 3,000 eggs were hard boiled and ready for the event. Clearly, there were enough people to get all of those eggs.

Shortly after 1pm, Ayden and Mommy and Daddy happily got in line in the 1-2 year old section. And then, much to my surprise, an air horn let loose to indicate that the race had begun–quite frankly it was a race I didn’t know existed.

Once the kids were permitted to go collect eggs, the parents of those children quickly forgot that they had children. They pushed, poked, ran, and did whatever they could to get in front of others. They rushed to where the eggs were, taking every single one that they could find. I thought to myself, well the rules have changed.. So I took Ayden and picked up, realizing now that it was a life and death struggle for hard boiled eggs–you can hear in the video Ayden getting so excited about the immediate need to run that he told me, “HURRY!” Meanwhile, Tara was holding the camera for what she thought would be a cute family video, only to turn into a state of modern war.

At one point you’ll hear Tara, my wife, being struck in the face. Maybe by Ayden’s shoe, or maybe by someone else. The panic was so fast and furious that I just can’t tell. 

In the end, little Ayden only captured one yellow egg. You’ll see at the end of the event, he was quite proud of that little yellow egg. 

I don’t know what happened in other age group sections at the egg hunt, but in the kiddie section, I was amazed at so much.. amazed that, in this little “fun” event, how parents could act.. If they acted like this because red Easter eggs mean they can collect a dollar, I’d hate to see how they act before a big natural disaster in a grocery store. Oh wait, I already did, I went to Walmart before Sandy.

So I suppose next year, or next egg hunt, we’ll be ready.

Perhaps we’ll arm Ayden with shin guards, a helmet, and a mouthpiece. Maybe we’ll get him cranked up on sugar just so he can beat the crowd.. 

I am just grateful Ayden got a yellow egg. As my wife and I stood in amazement for a minute after the event suddenly ended, we also saw a spattering of kids and moms here and there, looking stunned, like zombies just attacked and ate the family dog. Maybe they, like me, thought they’d get a priceless family photo of their children happily finding an egg. Little did they know, other parents had much more ulterior plans.

All for eggs.

I am amazed….

Happy Easter nonetheless. Hopefully no one tramples your eggs.