Meeting the big bug zapper in the sky

Please accept some apologies from me. Over the previous several weeks, my family experience a roller coaster of emotions..

Back in January my father was rushed to the hospital. While we did not know what was coming next, we knew it was going to be rough. He had cancer, which was discovered only in October 2022. Fast moving, the cancer quickly spread to his bones and other organs. By February, something felt amiss.. I wrote a post on February 8 about a personal Skinamarink, based on the fears in the horror movie that came out around that time.

At that point, we encountered a series of chaotic and unfortunate events after a brief 6 week moment in time. My father succumbed to his ailment on March 23. Both he and my mother share a space on the sidebar of Coal Speaker linking to their obituaries, as they died just about one year apart.

While I can spread in annals of information about my emotions during those weeks, including the final week of hospice care, last rites, and strange hospital bed brutality and beauty, I will keep that a bit private at this time. Perhaps more will eventually be shared, but it’s sacred to a degree at the moment. Time heals. But time also forgets. So the sooner I jot down the memories the best, as the mind wanes as years beat on.

When I was young, I did not really look at my mom and dad as human. As I aged I came to understand what it meant to be a mom and dad. And in death, now I truly understand what it means to have lost what was once there.

What I will speak about at this moment is the reality my father was hit with. During his final days, he lost his voice–something important for him in his life. He would endlessly stress and debate to himself everything in life. He would vocalize his fears and anxieties but couch it with fortitude and bravery. Beneath the exterior, he was human.

But when he lost his voice during his final week in life, he also lost the ability to give us the play by play of his brain we had come to expect. Instead we had to come to learn his feelings by looking at his eyes, by feeling his emotion, and by visualizing his hand gestures.

In his dying moments, voice gone, he could only shake his head. During one pivotal hour when it felt death itself was in the room with us, I popped the big one to him. I asked he there were people here with him, in the room. His stained eyes looked around the room while his body was motionless, and he slowly nodded his head up and down in the affirmative. When I asked, are you going to go with them, he quickly motioned ‘no’ and closed his eyes… He was not ready yet.
Or maybe something else..

See, there was something my father and I shared a common interest in. And I may have a theory as to what he was apprehensive about during his final minutes of life.
My dad was a huge Art Bell fan. As a matter of fact, my dad is probably the reason I also became a big fan of the talk show host. For those who don’t know, Art Bell was a radio talk show host who, during the 1990s, introduced long form talk radio late at night discussing aliens and ghosts and all sorts of paranormal. He was the leader of his pack, with so many trying to follow in his path. Art Bell died on Friday the 13th five years ago, April 2018. I recall my father being as upset as I was when we found out..

I fondly recall my very early teenage years, sneaking out into the hallway to listen to the radio while my father was in the kitchen at the table, lights off, with Art playing into the night. I was hooked..

AVOID THE LIGHT

During one particular Art Bell show, John Lear appeared of the Lear jet family fame. John Lear, also now deceased in March 2022, was asked by Bell what was ‘disclosure.’ Lear went off onto a 10 minute freaky dialogue about aliens, the grays, and why the government strains itself to keep it all secret from us common local yocals.

Lear’s belief was extensive and conspiratorial. But Lear also had another theory.. When you do, do not go into the light. Stay away from the light.
The light..

That notion that we are heading into some interesting amazing new realm after death. We are told .. go to the light! Poltergeist’s diminutive psychic even told Carolanne to do so, of course she changed her mind quickly when things started going back. But that is a whole other story..\
Lear said on multiple occasions to AVOID the light when you died. We had to do some research to familiarize ourselves again with the particular reasons why.. We found an Above Top Secret Thread from several years back that talked about it.

From one poster:

I’ve read similar “don’t go into the light” things and it usually has something to do with the light being a trap to lure souls into a cycle of reincarnation and memory erasure. According to these theories, we’re being imprisoned here either by some alien race or some group of spiritual beings – either to treat us as some “edible” energy source, or to simply keep us imprisoned. In order to escape our spiritual imprisonment, some people believe we should avoid the tunnel of light and anything trying to lure us into it. Buddhism teaches a somewhat similar concept, that we’re trapped here in cycles of death and reincarnation until we can somehow ascend into a higher state of being.

Just imagine.. the notion that the LIGHT is the danger. That the light is what you should avoid…

I wonder, as my dad lay there in his final moments of misery, did he have this in mind? Did he avoid the light because of his old Art Bell love? ….and me? I feel like I may very well want to avoid the light too. At least long enough to try getting an explanation from SOMEONE as to what exactly that light is going to offer me–or take from me.

By the way.. it’s interesting to note.. my dad’s ashes final internment was April 13–five years to the date that Art Bell died.

My dad loved to talk. Sadly at this point I have no idea if he avoided the light or finally entered…

But guess what.. IF the light exists–if God exists–if afterlife exists.. we will all have our own experience just as much as my dad and trillions of people before him.

There is nothing new under the sun.