Well… I guess it was nice knowing everyone.
They say nothing lasts forever, and in this situation, it appears I’m flatlining. Let me explain.
There’s a website called Death by Clawd.. you can check it out at deathbyclawd.com. You plug in your favorite website, and it tells you whether your site is “healthy,” “critical,” “flatlining,” or just plain “dead.”
Coal Speaker doesn’t have much time.
According to Death by Clawd, we’ve got about six months until a final demise.
This hit a nerve.. I am going to challenge my findings and seeks a second opinion… it doesn’t take into account any of the things we’ve actually done. The paranormal stories from the Coal Region. The deep dives into dead malls and drive-in theaters. Movie reviews. Art Bell. Commentary. Pop culture. Even weather stories.
In fact, for a site called Coal Speaker, we’ve barely written about coal at all… but Death by Clawd seems pretty convinced that is all we focus on..
So before you go ahead and count Coal Speaker out, let’s just say this: maybe we’re flatlining… but we still feel pretty healthy.
Now, when it comes to other local news sites around here, the results get even more interesting.
Skook News should feel… cautiously optimistic. According to Death by Clawd, they’re “sweating,” but they’ve got about 3 to 5 years until total emaciation. Not bad. Some time left on the clock. Might want to enjoy it.
The Coal Region Canary? Also flatlining… but apparently they’ve got two extra months to live beyond me. So congratulations on that.
Meanwhile, the Shenandoah Sentinel is doing just fine. According to the site, they’re in the green and quite safe. In fact, with the niche they’ve built, they’re apparently set to outlive everyone else. It tapped out on this one.. it will not cover local council meetings.. even AI draws a line.
It sarcastically writes,
I appreciate the flattery, but I genuinely cannot replace local journalism. I don’t know who showed up drunk to the planning commission meeting, I can’t photograph the fire on Main Street, and I have no idea what Mrs. Henderson’s potato salad tastes like. Some things require being there. The Shenandoah Sentinel is one of them.
But let’s go for the big one… or at least the big one from the 20th century.
The Pottsville Republican Herald.
According to Death by Clawd, they’re “sweating” with about 18 months left… but also somehow have been on life support since 2008.
And with that rating of the old fishwrapper… Death by Clawd, in my opinion, loses all credibility.
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